A Quiet Place

When I was growing up, albeit, in a non-Christian home, one song that was on the turntable (yes, one for vinyl records) had this song that said, "I count my blessings instead of sheep" Indeed we are often kept awake at night worrying about many things instead of thinking about how God has blessed us,

I was reading a friend, who is a new blogger, and she was writing on how God had blessed her in recent years. That started me thinking that in the last few years He has given me so much. And I want to thank Him for letting me experience these amazing things:

a) Obtaining a theological degree

b) Losing 35 kg

c) Writing a book - Down BUt Not Out

d) Preaching a sermon, albeit, in TTC chapel service

e) Writing a play - WHO?

f) Learning how to put together an Exhibition

g) Doing up my own flat

h) Living in Chiang Mai for one month

i) Living in Hanoi for one month

j) Seeing two real life pandas

k) Travelling to Grand Rapids, MI for a worship symposium

l) Teaching a Creative Arts Class at TTC

THANK YOU, LORD!

This has been an unsual Easter week for me. On Wednesday I had my Alpha session and I look forward to it as it is such a joy to see people come to know the Lord. I really am amazed each time how the Holy Spirit guides them to see how amazing God is.

During the session, I felt uncomfortable and I found a lump, yes, a distinct lump the size of a duku. Firm. I was shocked as I had not felt it before. I kept asking myself how could it be.

The next day Jennifer took a look at it. She thought it was an infection of my lymphatic system. Although it is a relief that it is not a cancerous growth, the fact that I have pre-existing health problems, do mean this infection is not good. She started me on antibiotics which made me nauseous and tired. I was lethargic and sleepy.

There was some pus oozing out which helped to confirm that this was an infection. PTL.

Later, Linda called me. I had asked friends to pray for me. She had received assuarance from the Lord that I would be healed. Blessed Assuarance.

I remember a few nights ago I had woken up feeling uncomfortable and I had asked the Lord, "Is it time?" and I felt His comforting presence, like a gentle Father chuckling. I had taken that to be a Yes actually. That is my own reading. I know it is going to happen once I have done all that He has planned for me. And I know He will tell me when it will happen. Because He is a loving God.

I am blessed because I am His child because Jesus died and rose again.

Blessed Easter....Amazing Love!

When God moves, He amazes. This week I was witness to one of His awesome acts. On Monday night, my friend's mum accepted Christ as her Lord and Saviour. It was in answer to more than 30 years of praying on the part of my friend. I was priviledged to be part of it.

Aunty had entered hospital for a major surgery on her back. She is in her 70s and on dialysis. Although the prognosis is good, there were some fears. Knowing the attendent dangers, she had indicated that she was interested in Christianity. My friend was cautiously excited.

In Dec 2008, I was in Thailand. One day while praying for various people, I was very prompted to pray for this lady. I remember asking God whether she would ever enter the Kingdom. I had been praying with my friend for her parents for a long time. We used to meet really early to pray for them before going to work. So I had wondered if we should re-start this practice.

On my return, I shared with my friend and she had been similarly prompted to pray for her parents. And she had a similar conversation with God about her mum.

On Sunday night, my friend had shared the 4 Spiritual Laws with her mum. And a few days before our pastor and another church staff had prayed for Aunty. She said then she wasn't ready.

On Monday, I called my friend and decided to go with her to settle in he rmum. Upon admission, Aunty slipped the 4SL into the pockets of her pjs. At 9 pm, I was leaving so I asked her if she would allow me to pray for her op. Aunty answered, "Sure and I want to say the prayer." And she whips out the 4SL. She has put a Post It on that page!

My friend shared once again and then I asked Aunty if she wanted to say the prayer for salvation. She said yes and my friend said it with her mum.

PTL. He is Amazing!

As God's children, we have been blessed with so much love by our Father God that we need to share and spread that love around.

The world is such a dark place and those of us who know what God's love is and how it can transform cannot be complacent or irresponsible about spreading the message of God's Good News.

In Thailand as in many other countries in the region, there is a growing secularization as people seek so many ways to find love. As that ole C & W song goes they are lookin for luv in all the wrong places.

And what are we doing about that this Christmas?

Last week I was asked by Acts Church to attend their children's camp at Mae Nghit Dam. It is about an hour's drive outside of Chiang Mai. At 7 am, the adults brought the 50+ children for a devotional walk on a road that circumscribes the reservoir. The sun was rising and as I clambered up the rocky slope to reach the road, I was wondering what I would see.

Gerald Manley Hopkin's poem God's Grandeur sprang to mind. Awesome beauty. It reminded me of the time TWorks did Trojan Women at the Hindehinde Quarry and Edward and Elizabeth Eagles flew over us as the sun's rays burst forth to bless the dark skies! God, the creative artistic Creator at work on His canvas.

When I first came into a relationship with the Lord, I learnt a song called, "A Quiet Place" and if I recall correctly a line says, "A Quiet Place is all I need, a Quiet place to go, Wanting just to know" and of course, it is to meet God and to know Him. The song is now rendered obsolete with the Hillsongs ridden worship that is current. But I have always felt that in the midst of the Thunder, Lightning and Rain, one needs a place to go. It used to be the outdoors for me, especially the beach. I could just sit and look at the waves and I am at peace.

In the last few years, it has been home. Once I close the doors of my home, I am able to be at peace. A lot has happened to caus eme to lose that peace in the last two years. But at the end of that tornado, Toto, we are back in Kansas.

I have wanted to trace my journey and to thank the Lord for all He has done. Here goes:

Three years ago, my neighbours raised the issue of selling our building. I love my apartment in the East. It was HOME! I guess it was where my father had lived with me before he died. Also Greta the Great, my first cat and Sayang, my Wonder Cat Princess and I  in what seems like halyconian innocence.

After many grouses amongst neighbours about money and stuff (I kept out of it as I felt greatly disturbed by the acrimony), we had a buyer. The terms were that we had to move out by Oct 16, 2007 before they would pay in full. All things went well and the 10% was paid to all of us.

I went house hunting and learnt a crazy lesson about buying an aprtment (options etc). I was blessed with Ting as my guide and God as the boss. Around April, I got a little anxious as I was wondering if I find a new home. The first flat I saw had had red paint splashed on the door. The second was over decorated.

Then one Saturday, I sat in my neighbourhood coffee shop and I saw an ad for an apartment in HV. Considering the prices, I had thought HV and Clementi were out of my range. I committed it to the Lord. I had told God I was surrendering my three anxiety ridden areas of my life to him - Finance, Health and Heart.

Ting called and said she had lined up 5 apartments. The first was lovely and cheap. The string that came attached was that thet wanted to do an under the table deal. Ting and I had agreed that we would not be a party to any illegal proceedings. So that was out. The next was disappointing. Could not even get to see the third. Then Ting sprang her surprise. She called owners of the HV flat that I saw in the ad!

I fell in love. It was located near church, market, bus, MRT, swimming pool, kopi tiams....and on the second floor. Also it had extra space out front.

The owners were an elderly couple. I was honest about my financial situation and my desire for a home. I walked around and I prayer as the apartment was 30 years old and looked it. The Lord said to me, "It is my gift to you." And the couple even offered me a discount! I did not take it as the amount they asked for was within my budget. I put a $500 deposit.

Then the roller coaster ride started. The buyer of my apartment could not complete on the agreed date cos one of my neighbours had been slow in his paper work. So delayed till Nov but in the mean time we had to move. I had to meet the couple's agent to explain I could not complete as we had submitted the paper work to HDB. She agreed to an extension and was totally supportive. She told me it was because the elderly lady liked me. :)

Arrgh! So pack pack pack. Run from College to home, pack pack pack, run back for classes, do assignments, pack pack pack. Feed cat. Do my College commitments. Some days I would wake up and I would take some time to figure out where I was.

One dear dear friend volunteered to let me store my stuff in his apartment and I stored the rest in my hostel room (PTL, Terry told me to keep my room) while Sayang moved into the HV apartment as the couple obligingly moved out.

We had submitted our paperwork to HDB and then the company refused to complete and asked for an extension. I had to just sit it out.

And then in December, they asked for another extension and my neighbours were going to sue. I was dead set against that. I asked God. He said, "Lean not on your own understanding." So I committed it to the Lord. All this time I have had so many angels.

Ting and husband loaned me another $500 to pay the couple as a sign of goodwill. A sum they refused to take back.

And my two pals at College had to have cups of coffee to listen to my woes! If the company reneged, I would have to move back and re-start. I would be richer by $8,000 but that was all. If we sued, I may end up having to pay a hefty bill. And I may end up homeless.

On that day in December, I had agreed to have lunch with a lecturer and then I had to go to attend a Diocese event. I called the lawyers and the deal had come true, at the eleventh hour.

When the amount was finally in the bank, my little test came. I had promised God I would give 10% to my church building fund. Although it is not a large amount but I had promised. !0% gross or net? Pre-renovation or Post. Hahaha, my conumdrum.

The Lord does not think of whether to bless me 10% or 140%. He blessed me with His Son. Further more I had committed 3 areas to Him. My health is great. My finances were now great. I am debt free and am relatively secure. And if I have promised Him my all, all meant all areas of my life. My church is more than a place where I worship, it is my family. Maggie, Albert, Sau Har, Lucy, Christine, Terry, Jen.....all my family. Giving 10% was my commitment to them.

So I walked into church and quickly wrote the cheque. Counted the zeroes and the words and will fear and trembling, I handed it in.

Lord, you are the peace that guards my heart, my help in times of need, ....For You alone deserve all glory, for You alone deserve all praise, Father I love You and worship You alone.

Lord, I dedicate my  home to you and I hope it will be a haven to all who come. May it minister to others and may I be a wise steward of Your home.

I was really engaged as I wrote an essay on commodification of the body for my class on Third World Theologies. It is using the issue of organ trading to look at a Theology of the Body. Ironically, as I finished the essay, my uncle called to ask me to pray for my cousin Bob who had a kidney transplant a couple of years ago when his own failed. However the transplanted organ has failed and he has been hospitalised for 3 weeks. Today he needed 10 litres of blood.

Introduction

A flyer is dropped surreptitiously into your mail box, and in bold lettering you are informed that a special offer is available for your loved one for a limited period. This week’s special is a pair of kidneys harvested from two healthy male farmers from a neighbouring country, going for a base price of SGD$50,000. Is this a far-fetched scenario coming from the fervid imagination of a sci-fi afficiando? I would suggest that the reality is chillingly too close for comfort.

            The statistics that have been released by the Singapore Ministry of Health are gloomy as it is projected that by 2015, approximately 18,850 kidneys will be needed for transplantation.[1] The first criminal charges have been recently brought against a prominent local Christian businessman for attempting to purchase a kidney on the black market as organ trading in any form is illegal in Singapore. [2] An editorial in the Straits Times commenting on the issues raised  by this case notes that despite tough legal sanctions a black market controlled by middlemen, rogue surgeons and kidnap gangs were active in poor countries like India.[3]  Hence it was suggested that it is justifiable then to drive out practices like these that exploit and disregard human dignity by making it legally acceptable to compensate donors.[4]  The editor felt that the moral absolute that sees receiving any financial recompense as “commodifying” the body cannot be sustained in the light of the sale of blood, sperm and eggs and that moral absolutists cannot stand in the light of social change as society liberalizes otherwise Singapore will be an “ethical backwater”[5] [sic].

            The Singapore Minister for Health, Mr Khaw Boon Wan in his answer to Dr Lam Pin Min in Parliament on what the government is planning to do to ensure that illegal organ trading does not continue and whether the Ministry is considering legalizing the ethical sale of organs in the near future said that as current demands for organs are not met therefore the Ministry of Health is looking into ways to encourage altruistic live donors through “meaningful compensation” without breaching ethical principles and hurting the sensitivities of others.[6] Mr. Khaw also said that because a black market already exists, we need to take a practical approach as criminalizing it has not eliminated it.[7]

            In trying to cut the Gordian knot of the issue of dealing with an increase in need for organs for transplants, I believe we are opening up Pandora’s box. This paper will seek to reflect on the theological implications of organ trading, specifically in kidneys which is the organ du jour, which looks into the immediate attendant need to be a good Samaritan by loving and saving our neighbour from death through organ failure on the one hand to the fundamental underpinnings to our understanding of imago Dei and mission Dei on the other. Through my discussion, I seek to address a disturbing trend in the “commodification” of the human body which has arisen due to a pragmatic-utilitarian approach to human life. I believe this prevailing zeitgeist is anathema to the tenets of our Christian faith.  

Theology of the Body: Commodification of the Body

Organ trading for any form of compensation is an act of objectifying of the body which will lead to a reduction in human dignity. Dr Roland Chia see organ trading as “violating the integrity and dignity of the human person”;[8] which leads us to view people as means to an end – the “objectification” or “instrumentalization” of the human being – which robs the himan body of its intrinsic worth and dignity .[9] It does lead to the question, “Are human organs fungible?” Can a dollar value be put on the human body? If we believe we are made in the image of God, organ trading will imply that we can put a price on God.

            Pope John Paul II wrote that the “human body shares the dignity of “the image of God”…precisely because it is animated by a spiritual soul, and it is the whole human person that is intended to become, in the body of Christ, a temple of the Spirit. Man, though made of body and soul, is a unity…Through him… the elements of the material world are thus brought to their highest perfection and can raise their voices in praise given freely to the Creator. For this reason, …man is obliged to regard his  body as good and to hold it in honour since God has created it and will raise it up on the last day ….to communion with God.[10] Indeed for this holy raison d’être, any perception of the human body as disembodied parts cannot hold.

            As Chia points out, it is a Cartesian dualism that sees the body as distinct from the essential self and as being at the disposal of the latter.[11] However, this distorted way of the body needs to be addressed. The body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19-20)[12] and the body is a “sacred space” with the same sense of responsibilities and restrictions about what may be done with, by, or to that temple by the self or others. [13]

            In Genesis 1:26-30, humankind is made in the image of God, implying that our bodies are ultimately belong to God but given to us for stewardship. We are accountable and responsible to God for what we do to our bodies. As Meilender points out our Christian understanding of the duality of the human person is that of the body and spirit; the finite and the free.[14] Due to the intrinsic bond, the presence of the person comes with the organs. Renee Fox and Judith Swazey noted that there is a perception that something of the personhood of the donor is transmitted along with the organ.[15]

            In Singapore, government polices are invariably economically driven, leading to a utilitarian-pragmatic approach to all aspects of life; education, employment, health and social welfare to name a few. This is a dangerously reductionist view if we allow it to govern how we want to approach the issue of organ trading for transplantation. By seeing it merely as answering the need to supply organs for transplants as Mr Khaw suggest, we will see ill health and death simply as  problems to be solved with whatever resources are available, showing irreverence to the Temple of God.

Who is the Saviour?

In Matthew 25: 31-46, Christ is represented as the patient. When we minister to the imago Dei in the other person, we minister to Jesus. This should inform and transform our mission Dei. However we seem to have taken on the mantle of the Saviour. Death came into the world through sin. And because God “so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, so that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16),” the salvific act is the fait accompli.

            Have we the responsibility to rescue everyone on the organ transplant list? Then we would have to consider those who are dying of starvation or from a lack of sanitation or drinking water or from HIV/Aids? One could argue that the amount of effort and finances channeled to locating organs could be used to help alleviate the plight of many more.[16] Furthermore, does God rescue everyone from physical death? Are we guilty of hubris by assuming His authority over life and death in trying to prolong lives? The modern Hippocratic Oath reminds the doctor that he is not to play at God even though he may have the knowledge and skill to save a life and take a life.[17]He like us are designated caregivers, not saviours. Only God can offer us holistic health[18] and wholeness (John 10:10). I believe God has provided for medical advancements and treatment. Hence organ transplants are ethically and morally permissible. However the manner in which the organs are obtained is the critical issue and the underlying assumptions.

            Christ suffered and through His suffering God mediated His salvific plan. We should help those who suffer, but we should not imagine that suffering can be eliminated from human life or that it has no meaning for our lives, the good ends does not justify any and all means.[19]

Mandate for the Care of the Poor

Yosuke Shimazono, in a World Health Organization paper, notes that research has shown that the underlying motivation of most paid kidney donors is poverty, and that lasting economic benefits after donation is limited or even negative because of the limited employability of such donors post-operation and the perceived deterioration of their health and many of them do not receive follow-up care, due to financial and other reasons.[20] In this and many other newspaper reports, the plight of the poor and the ignorant has been highlighted as they are often cheated or poorly compensated for their organs.

            The Bible constantly highlights the duty and responsibility of the community and the individual to provide for the care and protection of the vulnerable; widows, orphans, the poor and the foreigners. In fact, the welfare of the poor and powerless was the best indication of one’s covenant fidelity with God according to Vanhoozer (Amos 5:21-24).[21] In Job 29:12-16, 31:16-22, we are given a clear injunction to care for the poor. In the New Testament, the gospel according to Luke emphasizes the requirements of care for the poor and mutual respect of Jew and Gentile.[22]

            The poor are created in the image of God and are part of our mission Dei. We should not forget or ignore that Christ suffered in His earthly ministry, so we need to be careful that we do not present a triumphalist Gopsel to the poor in our mission Dei. One important aspect is the keep an eschatological prespective by ministering the hope we share of a future when we will all be free from struggles and suffering in the New Jerusalem.

            Inter-vivos sales or live organ donations have been promoted as a means to help the economically disadvantaged. Based on a Straits Times report, the current rate is approximately SGD$35,000 for an organ.[23] This is equivalent to more than a decade of wages for someone from a developing country. It has been suggested that we would suffer from a false sense of paternalism if we prevent the poor from maximizing their assets. In a Hollywood movie, John Q, the protagonist is a father who was willing to sacrifice his life by giving his heart to his dying son may have brought tears to the eyes of many.  This form of sacrificial giving brings tears to our eyes.

Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world. Who will protect this parent if the money is not forthcoming or if there are serious long term health problems which could occur later in life? The solution to poverty is not in allowing for organ sales but helping them become economically independent. Human beings were created to work and have dominion over all of creation. By selling a body part, the poor have only a short term, one-off solution as the organ is an “asset” that is non-replenishable and non-returnable.

Conclusion

Yes, we do live in Imperfect world and in this imperfect world with its imperfect systems; it would be naïve to expect that legalizing organ trading will eliminate the black market. Kidney transplants are considered major operations with great risk to the donor and the recipient. A transplant is not the panacea it appears to be as a recipient may still die within five years after the transplant.[24] Furthermore the quality of life may not improve as the body may react to the immunosuppressant medications or develop secondary illnesses may occur as side-effects.[25]

            Mr. Khaw has noted that Spain and Norway are self-sufficient in kidneys as they have successful altruistic organ donation systems built up over the years.[26] Altruistic organ donations have been seen to drop once organ sales are legalized.[27] If organs could be bought, the number of donations from living relatives could drop as patients may prefer to pay a stranger for an organ instead of imposing on their families for one.

            What could legal organ trading do to our families and our obligation to each other? In the wider Christian family, we are told to bear one another’s burden, to love each other as Christ loves us. In fact, Christ has said that greater love has no man that he who is willing to lay down his life for another. That is my understanding of eccelesiology.

            One solution to the shortage is to encourage and educate so that there will be more altruistic organ donors. An altruistic donor chain was started in the United States last year.[28] Dr Ang Peng Thiam’s article informs us hat one’s quality of life is not compromised when one has only one kidney.[29]

            As Christians, our theology of the body honours the mandate in Genesis that affirms both the dignity and the responsibility of human beings for creation. Life is a gift entrusted to us and the gift of an organ is therefore good stewardship because a brother or sister is given the opportunity to maintain or improve his or her life. Organ donation is therefore the sharing of God’s resources with God’s creation. Donation is a selfless act which characterizes the Christ who lives in us and how we choose to live our calling to God’s mission on earth.  This is something we need to uphold, regardless of our reputation (ethical backwater or no) just as Christ as self-denying and self effacing.

In sunny Singapore where we just dont know when to stop and fast is good and festest is lagi best, I have just received a card inviting me to a Christmas event. And it is only October. I wont be surprised if I receive my first Christmas card tomorrow. And Advent isn't here yet.

SIGH! This efficiency in the spirit of commercialization is scary.

As a coda, I want to add that the other day a newspaper report said the mall stores were promoting Christmas earlier as the economy is so bad, they needed the lead in time to encourage people to spend. It is going to be a Blue Christmas for some. I think we need to have a perspective on this. Christmas is about the Christ. With that thought, we can indeed proclaim Joy to the World, regardless of the state of our economy.

Last Saturday, Aunty Laura left us to be with the Lord. She died while petting her cat Ginger just before he was put down. I believe she died quickly (just as she has always wished to go) and doing what was dear to her heart - loving the lost and stray.

Aunty Laura was a woman prized above rubies, a Proverbs 31 woman. She was a dedicated nurse who was strict and particular because she took pride in her work. Her meow may be worse than her bite or scratch because under her stern mien was a soft and yielded heart. She had a great capacity to love.

This was seen in the number of strays that she took in. Numbering 10 at its height, all cats found a companion and friend in Aunty Laura. She also found a place for this human stray. When she sensed I missed having a family, she would include me in Sunday family dinners, anniversaries and birthdays. I have fond memories of sitting at 422 Joo Chiat Place chatting with Uncle about rugby and talking with Aunty on the finer points of looking after felines.

Her pride and joy was her daughter. Aunty Laura would call and share her fears and worries; about Joy's work, health, marriage, diet....because a mother's heart never stops loving and caring.

Most importantly she was a godly woman. Her lfie is a great testimony to her love for God and I can imagine God is saying to her, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Much as I am sad to be suddenly parted from her, Lord, tell Laura we love her and that we look forward to the day we can rejoice with her on the other side of Heaven.

By the grace of God I am involved in an amazing project. I am editing a book on mental illness. As I read the accounts of some of the members of a mental health care facility I was shocked and horrified and disgusted at how inhuman and uncaring and ignorant we can be towards those who are suffering.

One case that is really indelibly etched on my consciousness is of a man who was tortured by his parent. The one who should be nurturing and loving turns out to be a tormentor and a "murder" for by the actions the parent had murdered the child that will now never be. And for no ostensible reason. Another retreated into silence cos no one understood.

All talk about the voices in the head. They are the voices of society that tell us we are not good enough, that we do not deserve to live. 

Reading the accounts, I am amazed by the dedication of the counsellors who have laboured to bring normalacy into the lives of these patients. By just loving them and building trust, they have been able to help restore what was once broken, making the fragile stong. Nothing will bring back the stolen years that were killed by unkind and vicous words and actions, but the love of God can help restore and renew and refresh.After all the Kingdom of Heaven was for such as these, the poor in spirit.

Indeed, thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, Lord, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Jedi Master Yoda from the epic Star Wars, my favorite philosopher once said, “Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.” Indeed life is not a rehearsal, we only pass this way but once. As Christians we are called to be committed to Christ, to lead lives poured out for Him. There is do or do not, no try. Yet many of us walk around gingerly afraid of rocking the status quo, afraid to let our lights shine. Sadly many of us are guilty of this and one day, we wake up to find the light is no more.

            “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will” was another wise observation of Yoda, my favorite philosopher. All of us who have committed ourselves to full time Christian ministry are not exempted. Recently, a friend posted this letter on the web which I found very true:

My dear precious,

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores. You awoke without praying. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless your meals, or pray before going to bed last night. You are so unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you are mine now.

            I'm going to use you as long as possible to hurt Him. You see, my precious, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you. But you have yielded your life to me, and I'm going to make your life a living hell. That way, we'll be together twice.

            This will really hurt God. Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who is boss in your life with all of the good times we've had;...cursing, being hypocritical, overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental, back stabbing your church leaders….the usual things that Christians love to do to each other.
            Come on, my precious, let's burn together forever. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you. I'd like to say 'THANKS' for letting me use your foolish life to lead so many others astray through your actions in church.

Yours Lovingly,

You know who

Last week was an amazingly busy and challenging week for me for I was on the go from 7.30 am to 11 at night.  I would return home to face a pile of laundry in the corner looking at me as if they are saying, “So when are you going to iron us and put us nicely back in the cupboard?”

I don’t know about you, but I was tempted to just say, “STOP the world, I want to get off.” I felt defeated and wanted to throw in the towel. It is so easy to listen to that voice calling me, "Precious." In my weakness, I called out to the Lord.

Then the Lord reminded me about the fact that in serving Him we have joy and the victory. He used a song. So join me to proclaim that Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise for in Him we have the victory, 

            Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise,

            The city of our God, the holy place,

            The joy of the whole earth.

            Great is the Lord in whom we have the victory

            He aids us against the enemy.

            We bow down on our knees.

            And Lord we want to lift Your Name on high,

            And Lord we want to thank You

            For the works You've done in our lives.

            And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love;

            For You alone are God eternal,

            Throughout earth and heaven above.

            In Revelation chapter 12, we are told Archangel Michael and the angels fought against Satan in Heaven and they won. They went on the offensive and emerged victorious. The hymn in verses 10-12 proclaims that we have the victory over Satan; a victory won for us “by the blood of the Lamb.” By losing His life for us, Jesus has won the final war. What a costly grace we operate under.

            No doubt Satan has a short time and he knows it. He will try his hardest. He will hold out the fruit every day and tell us the lie, “You will surely not die, for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” And everyday, we will need the courage and strength from God to say, No.

            The name Michael means, “Who can be like God?” Indeed, no one. Some times we think we can. We operate as though we can do without Him. Then we wonder why we feel defeated.  Even we Christian ministers are not immune to the lure of the 5 Cs; Congregation Size, Capacity of our Sanctuary, Conversion Numbers, Collection amounts and Collars.  Let us not forget the 6^th C - Coffin. We have to face the Lord and be accountable for our lives.

            Yes, we can end up with faces full of worry over the 5Cs, and Satan the accuser the one who leads the world astray will want us to take our eyes of Jesus. And all of us can fall into the trap of chasing after wind, feeling helpless and hopeless.  But we know the best is yet to be - the day will come (100% guarantee) when the Lord will return in all His glory to claim the ultimate victory. We are the sons and daughters of the King of the Best Age to Come. Your mission today should you choose to accept it, is to decide whether you want to continue to partner Michael and the Angels in their cosmic battle by living the only life worth living, a life poured out for Christ, to remain committed to being a witness for Christ, so as to silence the Prince of Lies forever.

When I was in primary school I was a Brownie but this is not about that type of Brownie. It is about that decadent dessert. I have never thought of food as ministry before my recent discoveries. I have always loved cooking though I know I may not always project an image of domesticity.

I still remember the open houses that Dad would hold and weekend parties I would throw, we would be cooking from the night before well into the late night the next day. Mum and I were all commandered to chop, pound and cut under Dad's supervision. And if anyone wanted to come, Dad would never say no. With people in the home, it was fun just to see friends enjoy what we have cooked. I believe if my parents had come to Christ earlier, they would have a fantastic ministry via hosting and loving and feeding people into the Kingdom.

Last Christmas one of my best friends made me a huge tray of Brownies. She said that knowing me I would share them. And I did. I gave a portion to a family living in TTC. As it turned out the husband, my classmate, loves brownies. He had a tiny piece recently and was just wishing for more. And he got quite a bit more, a testimony to God's promise to provide for all his needs.

Lately through a dear lecturer, I was introduced to Betty Crocker Brownie Mix (with Walnuts) and I have made several batches and all have been given away to classmates and even members of the Anglican Covenant Design team. I realise through a simple act I can bless others. Recently I read on this same lecturer's blog that when he was a school counsellor, he baked brownies for his students too!

It made me think of Babette's Feast and Water for Chocolate. That love can be expressed through so many ways and cooking is an act imbued with love. Christ has told us to feed his lambs. What greater injunction do we need.

I started by just cutting out any photo from the magazines provided that spoke to me in any way. Soon I amassed quite a pile.  I had originally planned to look for just one pic and stick it on an A4 piece of blank paper.

I decided to stick 4 pieces of paper in a diamond shape. Then I just pasted the photos in what I hoped was aesthetically pleasing. Hahaha. I know I am a non-conformist cos I want to extend and set new boundaries. I dont challenge the status quo just cos but I will if I get fired up...

Later I reflected on the collage and I realised that it reflected me in so many ways and my philosophies. I used lots of colour, for example, because life is full of colours and shades and hues. I think safe colours are DEATH and BORING!

If you look at the whole collage, you will be struck by three sensually designed bath tubs for they represent to me REST and SOAKING in the Lord's presence with all our being.

And there are many pics with colourful flowers like peonies, roses, gerberas because their lines and colour and diversity and symmetry tell me of the BEAUTY of GOD. I am amazed at how detailed a CREATOR GOD I love. I defy anyone to witness the beauty of a waterfall, the majesty of a sunset, the strength of a mountain range, the grace of a kitten, the speed of a humming bird, the cuteness of polar bears and think that all these are accidents of nature. HELLOOOOO!!! It is all God's handiwork.

I tried to use an Afro-American painting as the backdrop in one corner. The painting  depicts an old neighbourhood where everybody knows everybody and they go to church together. It is very much about COMMUNITY. Eversince my parents have passed away, I have seen how God has provided me with a community to love and serve at SJC, TTC, Alpha and the Diocese.

There is a HUGE, RED ARMCHAIR. That is GOD!!!! He is the comforting presence that envelops you and you can rest in His presence. On the armchair, there are 2 tiny cats. Not my Greta or Sayang alas but they rep one of the loves of my life. I found a pic of a funky tiger in round glasses! That is me. I hope I will grow old funky. Hahaha.

There is a row of dolls dressed in different modes and they represent the different facets of me, my identities. I am not one or another. I do not like being typecast. I am WOMAN and there are many options.

I have a tiny clock, very tiny, to remind me of how precious my time on earth is and to refer to future time when time is no more.

I have different bags and flip flops all over - journeys taken and those yet to be embarked on for the Lord.

I noticed I have no humans in my collage except for one young boy. I nearly cut him out but I kept him. He does represent my desire for a family of my own and my love for children.

There is also a tiny phone to remind me of the need to stay CONNECTED to God.

And near the centre, there is a picture of someone writing captioned originally as Designer at Work - how apt, it is God our Designer at Work and that His gifts to me are at work at the moment.

And that has brought me to a revelation - I am an artist. God has made me this way. To some who know me they will find this a atrange realization. But for a large part of my formative years, I was a jock, not an artist. I found it hard to claim this title. Now I do cos it is something God has given me.

I am an artist!

Having a father who was the Sports Editor of Straits Times meant sports was a large part of my growing up years. I was made aware very early of the importance of fouls, free throws, false starts, personal bests and other important milestones. Every four years, there was the World Cup and of course the Olympics.

Today, Michael Phelps goes down in the history books as the one of the most amazing Olympians and so does the Singapore table tennis team, albeit, on a smaller page. And today I met individuals who rate as Olympians in my copy book - the unsung heroes of our church today, the missioners.

Given a research assignment, my intrepid team made tracks to a local church to meet up with its missioners. A couple who are missioners of three years in a country close to my heart shared their struggles to love those who do not reciprocate. The wife was candid and honest about how hard it has been. Undeniably the country they are in is not easy to live in and there are real physical hardships. The emotional and spiritual fights they have had to deal with make them champions as they continue to endeavour and tough it out. They scored a perfect 10 for their spirit and desire to serve and love the lost.

I also met someone who started her journey almost the same time as I did in terms of recognizing and answering God's call on her life. It is amazing that now she has been out in the field for a year. Her passion and her conviction hit the bull's eye.

We also spoke to a couple involved in what one of my lecturers will call 'reverse missions' and how they were surprised by God in the place of their ministry - in the heart of merrie ye ol' Englande....

All of the missioners should get the gold and a world record for listening to our Father's voice. Many of them waited a long time before they arrived at where they are. It was indeed heartening to see how God trains and prepares them for the arena of His choosing.

What was really encouraging in a little coda of my own, one of the missioners was sharing about how she is running Youth Alpha in the north of a nearby country. Little did I know or she, it was the materials that I had written prior to entering seminary. How marvellous to know that the work I had slaved over for three months has found favour in another country. Glory to Him for His amazing ways.

Indeed as I press on in my studies, I am so encouraged by the stories I heard today. I want to continue to run the marathon for the Lord so that when I see Him, I want Him to pat me on the head and scratch my neck, as I did Sayang's, saying, "Beloved, that will do." That will be my gold medal.

On Saturday, a couple of other angels came by. A husband and wife duo helped with storage of my stuff. The husband angel helped me with advice on banking and HDB stuff. Another brother angle helped with his muscle power by helping me move stuff into the home. Another couple gave lots of encouragement. It was a pleasure to cook for them. I did Dad's pork patties with the papaya - a personal favourite now.

On Sunday, Pas T surprised me by asking me to say something about my journey. One thing I did not say but I will say now is that I hope to be worthy of the house that God has given me and may I use it for His glory and to magnify His name. I hope to use it as a resource to bless others. I realise my parents have instilled this in me. I recall how Dad will always help anyone and give away his last dollar. Mum will always talk to anyone. I hope I will carry on their legacy.

The church aunties surprised me - their food was a feast and their loving presence was a bonus. The SJC colleagues came by as did some PCC and friends. Vinnie and Sharine were there. The lamp from Alpha friends was just right. May my home be a light in the darkness!

Uncle came as did GAga. And the Sophists - Elena, Ming and Sarah! J blessed me with food and Panda and Lion came by too. WOW, I think it is friends who make the difference. The TTC class mates came later as did Dr T too. All the way to dinner.

Amazing Grace.

Yesterday I decided that I better stop talking about cooking and really get down to doing it. I have always enjoyed cooking. I love textures so I love buying food old style - in a wet market, touching, feeling, poking and pinching what I am about to buy. In current times, most things are frozen. Gone are the semi-barbaric cages of chickens to be plucked unceremoniously out to be groped and weighed. In place, smooth carcases line glass display cases.

Nevertheless when I walked through the relatively small wet market in Holland Drive, I found many old style stalls like the one selling rempeh and the one selling dried goods like sesame seeds, garlic, tumeric and vinegar.

When I got home with my purchases, I was exhilarated that I still had change in my purse. This is not the norm when I go to the supermarket. Great joy to buy things for 50 cents or a dollar.

Immediately I took the grated coconut and squeezed the milk out. It has been quite sometime since I have felt the milky liquid run through my fingers and the different consistencies. Then I peeled and chopped the onions and the potatoes. I have always felt that cooking was a perfect metaphor for life. In life, there are a myriad ingredients that can come together and do come together. Based on the cook, these ingredients can come together in so many unique ways.

Although I had never done it before, I bought a bunch of lemon grass and crushed the stalks to release the fragrance. I added them to the curry later. Many cooks do add this herb but I had never done it before. Life is like that. Once in while you need to walk on the wild side, to test yourself, to try to do something differently.

When I fried the onions, a lovely pungent fragrance rose. It is only when one is tested by the fire is one's real mettle shown I guess. What I felt really amazing is the balance of the different taste sensations. When I was younger I would baulk at having to taste uncooked food. However in cooking if you do not taste, you wont know if you are have the right balance.

What I like about cooking is handling the different ingredients and enjoying the sensations of handling onions, potatoes, chicken, sauces, powders and liquids. Then to see them all bubbling away is to see how our lives come together.

I wanted to balance the hot taste so I added sugar to the curry. My taste testers told me to go easy on the sugar. However the entire pot was finished in an hour when I brought it to church.

I also made some black sauce chicken that Dad was so good at. Jesse went for it so I guess my version is acceptable.

When I was at the dried good store, I picked certain items and the Aunty immediately asked, So you are making achar, right? WOW, spot on except that I am going to make Achar Fish.

Now that is another story.

Have been soooooooooooo busy of late. I was wondering why I was feeling so exhausted. I reliased that soooooooooo much has been happening in my life. From settling in to my new home, death of Sayang, meeting my relatives, doing Alpha training in Singapore and in Pekanbaru, trying to do my work for Diocese, adjusting to work on the Orientation Comm and as St Peter's Hall Chair and as asst producer of the Hymn Festival, and staring a new term.....

And yet I feel like so much of an under achiever. SIGH!

Recently I went on a movie watching spree with Kung Fu Panda, Hancook and Red Cliff. Eclectic, n'est pas? Considering what I want to watch - Hell Boy 2 and the The Dark Knight and Juno - you would be inclined to think that I am pretty schizo. Like my reading, I am pretty voracious. There are only these three genres I avoid like crazy especially the latter 2 - Rom Coms, Horror and Slasher/Suspense.

After I watched Red Cliff, one of my friends said movies transport us from reality - YES. Like Red Cliff, a historical piece based on the Romance/Chronicles of the Three Kingdoms (pre-Han China), it took my breath away based on its grand sweep, heroics - giving you a feeling that for that brief time in the darkness you were part of something bigger than yourself. Same as when I watched each installment of The Lord of the Rings. Truly when the lights dim, the magic begins.

I think movies allow us to enter into an alternate reality and for me, I enjoy those that affirm that there is something noble and honourable of our world. One genre I have always loved is the Chinese sword fighting epics. I realise that it is because they are about family, honour and about what has been called Doing the Right Thing.

I went through a phase in my early 20s of liking European movies filled with the dominant zeitgeist was existential angst. I think it made me feel smarter and more cutting edge. How pretentious. I nearly always felt suicidal after watching them for they were bleak and about the nihilism that dominated the dregs of the last century. But they did make me feel smarter, more chic. Like some how, through osmosis I was more feeling. more in touch with a deeper reality. How pretentious and typical of callow youth. I guess it was also reflected in my reading during this period.

Having come through quite a stressful 20s and 30s (death of my parents, quitting a 10 year old job, doing further studies overseas), I feel that I can laugh again.Hence I am an avid fan of Pixar. Looking forward to WALL.E. Some of my fav flics have been The Incredibles and Toy Story. In each, one was convinced that if you believe in yourself you can go to infinity and beyond. My taste in movies have changed definitely.

In the last 10 years, the Lord has dragged me back to where He wants me. My close friend used to joke that my guardian angels used to be frightened when they were rostered to look after me cos I was running away so much. Now they are like "WHEW!" and high fiving with their different pairs of wings. So now you could say my taste  in movies has changed 180 degrees.

What I like now are the movies that affirm life. What I am increasingly drawn to are the ones that are either Christian or Christian based without being preachily condescending about it. The most awesome example is LOTR series. I have seen each one 3 times each and have the boxed DVDs. 

Increasingly I am drawn to the craft of film making. Hence it is also about the camera work, the acting and the plot. The magic happens when they all come together seamlessly and you are transported by these master craftsmen into a galaxy far far away.

My Current Fav Films of all time (not in order of merit)

1) LOTR series

2) Star Wars series (NOT the prequels)

3) Casablanca

4) Citizen Kane

5) Hero (Chinese)

6) Dragon Inn

7) Godfather series

8) Local Hero

9) The Incredibles

10) Snow White

11) Singapore Dreaming

12) Eating Air

13) Local Hero

14) The Neverending Story

15) Spiderman Series

16) Batman Begins

17) The Usual Suspects

18) Once were Warriors

19) The Thief, His Wife, the Cook, Her Lover (hope I got this Peter Greenway movie title right)

20) Ratatouille

21) Kung Fu Panda

22) Toy Story

23) Sunset Boulevard

24) Chicken Run

25) Wallace and Gromit

26) A History of Violence

27) Raiders of the Lost Ark

28) Chariots of Fire

29) Red Cliff

30) Pulp Fiction

31) Unforgiven

32) Richard III (with Ian McKellan)

33) The Bicycle Thief

34) The Apu Trilogy

35) 12 Storeys (not because I am in it but cos it is a good movie that has stood the test of time)

The list will change I guess. When I started listing the movies, I did not pre-plan it. I just decided to let them come to mind. Stay tuned for further updates on this list. Coming to a theatre near you!

Not Waving but Drowning by Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he's dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

 Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

Introduction: The Singapore Way

          The Annual Report of a typical Singapore church like mine has a litany of

reports, lists of activities, charts and tables illustrating the numbers who

attended these activities, and the budgets needed and monies spent. Some annual reports are glossy magazines with beautifully taken photographs of their edifices, congregations and their activities. Surely, these are all signs of the healthy state of Christianity in Singapore and how churches are fulfilling the Great Commandment and the Great Commission.

          When I read an article on the Tamil Service of a certain church, I was struck by the numbers. When I visited the service, it was evident that the church had provided well; facilities, a pastor, several dedicated volunteers, programmes and activities to cater to the needs of the migrant Tamil workers who comprise the congregation. In the short dialogue session with some of the congregation members, it is obvious there are many needs peculiar to this group of migrant workers from Tamil Nadu. It made me wonder about how a church goes about fulfilling its understanding of missions and what is missio dei.

         Firstly, these programs were provided within the confines of the church compound. To benefit from them, the members would have to be able to travel from their quarters in the outskirts of the city to the church in Little India. It would be a costly endeavour in terms of time and money. Admittedly, the church has limited resources currently to go to where the workers are and access to the workers may be denied. Secondly, there was a feeling that there was limited church ownership in this outreach endeavour. The pastor and another volunteer expressed a need for more volunteers to come forward.

          What emerged for me from this visit was a sense that the foreign workers needed a stronger sense of the church reaching out to them, being there for them where it mattered – their workplace and accommodation. There have been many newspaper articles outlining how foreign workers in Singapore have been exploited and how their basic rights have been denied. In the dialogue, many of the Tamil brothers also shared their frustrations in this respect. My question is, “What is the church doing to help them at their point of need?” It calls to mind what I read of a question asked by a Ugandan pastor, “What does it mean to be Christ’s representative in this place?”

          Migrant Voices, a local NGO, has boldly chosen to use the creative arts as an outreach to foreign workers in Singapore. Although the leaders of Migrant Voices were not Christian, I felt they were providing for what they thought was a felt need and is so doing were ‘ministering’ to them (Matthew 25:35-40). The creative writing workshops which they are currently conducting are held in the shelter where the Bangla Deshi workers lived. During the writing exercise, I was struck by the ways in which the workers opened up and welcomed the opportunity to talk about their homes and memories.

What does it mean to do God’s work?

          When I observed the work of HealthServe and HOME, Christian based organizations, I wondered if the ‘church’ is best expressed outside the formalized church. Seeing the shelter that HOME runs, the Karunya clinic that HealthServe set up, I could see how the two organizations were able to meet needs as well as embody the Good News to those in need of it. What I witnessed is closer to what Vinoth Ramachandra describes as integral mission – “a way of calling the church to keep together, in her theology and her practice, what the Triune God of the Biblical narrative always together: ‘being’ and ‘doing’, the ‘spiritual’ and the ‘physical’, the ‘individual’ and the ‘social’, the ‘sacred’ and the ‘secular’, ‘justice’ and ‘mercy’, ‘witness’ and ‘unity’, ‘preaching the truth’ and ‘practising the turth’...”

          Although it was not an official field trip, the most impactful moment for me was when most of the class went to observe HealthServe’s work in Geylang among the sex workers. Along a side street singing “Happy Birthday” to an ex-loan shark or seeing a HealthServe volunteer being enthusiastically greeted by sex workers in a dark alley, I was coming to a closer understanding of missio dei.

          At the Willingen Conference in 1952, the idea of mission dei was first used - that it is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit sending the church into the world. Our mission work has no identity apart from the ‘missionary initiative of God.’For Moltmann, his concept of missio dei is “not the church that has a mission of salvation to fulfill to the world; it is the mission of the Son and the Spirit through the Father that includes the church, creating a church as it goes on its way….The church participates in the glorifying of God in creation’s liberation. Wherever this takes place through the workings of the Spirit, there is the church.” I felt that HealthServe and HOME are the closest models of a church; an ekklesia that expresses koinonia.

Questions and more questions

          When Bridget Lew, founder of HOME, shared her passion, her frustrations and her joys of advocacy work for abused foreign workers, it made me think of Stevie Smith’s poem, “Not Waving, But Drowning.” She and those at HealthServe went where there was a need, to where God was at work.

          The foreign workers that HOME, HealthServe, Migrant Voices and that churcht are able to reach represent a small drop in the ocean. Though not all may need the type of help offered; such as, advocacy, health and finance, God is at work in their lives. God is creating the church amongst His creation, amongst His people.

          In the Micah Declaration on Integral Mission (2001), these words resonate with me, “If we ignore the world we betray the word of God which sends us out to serve the world. If we ignore the word of God we have nothing to bring to the world….As in the life of Jesus, being, doing and saying are at the heart of our integral task.” What I feel is that formal church and Christians in Singapore do need to reconsider their understanding of how the Great Commandment and the Great Commission is realized. HealthServe, which has the loosest structure at the moment, may need to become more structured to carry on their work. HOME may evolve into a less Christian based organization as it focuses on advocacy work with TWC2 (Transient Workers Count Two), another local NGO. Will they lose their dstinctiveness?

          At this point I have only questions and no answers. My final question is a challenge to myself and hopefully others, “When will we, as the church in Singapore realize that there are people out there in our community who are not waving but drowning?”